1. RISK is a fun board game, but let's not have global domination turn into a reality, OK?
2. I disagree with classifying rap as music, but I would certainly call it poetry.
3. Christians do not necessarily have to be conservative. What was so conservative about anything Jesus was talking about when he was alive?
4. I'm still clueless as to why females go to the bathroom in herds.
5. Cars have turn signals. Use them. Please.
6. Just because someone is famous does not mean they are good at what they do.
7. Things in life have either been bad, are currently bad, or are going to be bad. So you might as well get used to it.
8. Older and wiser people tell better stories than you do. You should listen.
9. I have found that it is possible to be optimistic and cynical at the same time.
10. There's nothing wrong with crying, as long as you're sincere.
11. The government lies about more than it is honest about.
12. Hair is a really strange thing.
13. I have complete respect for vegetarians. I'm not strong enough to be one.
14. Yes, there are dumb questions. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
15. People who wear glasses do not always look smarter than the people who don't.
16. You are important. Everything you do impacts everybody else in some way. We're all dominoes.
17. We all invent ourselves. You are who you choose to be.
18. To find inspiration, just start with something you're passionate about.
19. Avoid jaywalking if at all possible.
20. Avoid killing people if at all possible.
21. Swimming is good for you. Drowning isn't.
22. If you make people laugh, they'll keep coming back for more.
23. If you're going to feel lonely, at least feel lonely with someone else.
24. The best feeling in the world is the stomach ache you get after you've laughed for an hour.
25. Chess is an intellectual game. And anyone who calls the knight a "horsey" and the rook a "castle" is not an intellectual.
26. Not enough people know what spelunking is.
27. The egg had to have come first. If the chicken had come first, he would have made omelettes, and that would have probably destroyed the entire universe.
28. I have concluded that the thought of a deer driving car is funny.
29. I wonder if I enjoy watching a dog chase his own tail more than he enjoys doing it.
30. I've never seen anyone actually slip on a banana peel. Whose idea was this?
31. I don't believe that the camera "adds 10 pounds". My mirror adds 20.
32. "Chugging" a 2-liter of anything is not nearly as fun as it looks.
33. The best time to go outside is when it's raining.
34. Think about how many times you've spit in your lifetime.
35. A true friend will forgive you no matter how many times you screw up.
36. I wonder how many people have gotten crapped on by a bird.
37. The best songs are the ones that can't be found on the radio.
38. Things always seem better when you look at it from another person's perspective.
39. True laziness is when someone forgets how to turn on the TV without a remote.
40. I've always hated the phrase, "Money doesn't grow on trees." If I really believed that it did grow on trees, I wouldn't go anywhere without a rake.
41. It's true that men have a hard time doing more than one thing at a time, but we do that one thing so much better because of it.
42. Caviar is not tasty. But I can understand them calling it something fancy like "caviar" instead of simply "fish eggs". I'm glad they don't call beef "cow parts".
43. It's quite common to have nightmares about losing your teeth.
44. The greatest movies are in black-and-white.
45. Most animals probably think humans are quite silly. I would. I think I already do.
46. Love can be described, but it can never truly be defined.
47. If you get bored with life, you can always take up juggling.
48. As a fan of classic rock & roll, I have to wonder if anyone will be listening to our music now in 40 years or so.
49. When Columbus "discovered" America, I wonder what he thought of all the casinos.
50. Floss regularly.
51. If dolphins were really as smart as people make them seem, they wouldn't keep getting stuck in the tuna nets.
52. It's no coincidence that only penguins walk the way they do. A penguin would have to kick another animal's ass for trying to walk that way.
53. The Amish are the only group of people you can make fun of these days without someone getting offended.
54. Cheesecake is a pie (or, you could say it's a tart). But it is definitely not a cake. It has pie crust, for cryin' out loud!
55. Think about how much of your day is spent wasting time. Now think about how much of your life is spent wasting time. Be productive, but don't forget to have fun.
56. "Be strong enough to save the world, but don't be afraid to go home and mow the lawn."
--Jeremy Frank
57. Few people say what they really mean. Or mean what they say, for that matter.
58. My dog has eaten my homework before.
59. Deja vu can be a very strange experience.
60. When you have to do the same thing, do it in a different way than you did last time.
61. Deja vu can be a very strange experience!
62. When there is no definite answer, don't let anyone tell you what something means. Always research and then form your own opinion.
63. Don't be afraid to go against your schedule every once in awhile.
64. No one is immortal. Get used to the fact that you are going to die.
65. "Reality" shows are about as far from reality as you can get.
66. Airlines claim that it's safer to fly in an plane than drive a car. Actually, this is true. However, last time I checked it was more dangerous to crash in a plane than in a car.
67. Brushing your teeth for five hours straight will not make your teeth whiter. But it will make your arm sore and probably cause you to run out of toothpaste.
68. Always pack extra batteries.
69. The greatest thing about chopsticks is complaining about how difficult they are to use, and then trying to use them anyway.
70. Never argue about something you know nothing about.
71. Not everyone thinks the same way you do. Deal with it.
72. Usually the right answer is the one you didn't want to hear.
73. A good idea is a lot like Marshmallow Fluff. By itself, it's pointless. It only tastes good when you put it on a peanut butter sandwich.
74. Never waste your time making pancakes when you could be making waffles.
75. A fish is the perfect pet for the careless, lazy person. It simply doesn't do anything... and neither does the fish.
76. Praise me when I am doing something right. Correct me when I am doing something wrong.
77. Be flexible. Everyone has different methods. Accept that, and it's smooth sailing.
78. The greatest time in a person's life is when they are completely naive to what is going on in the world.
79. Homestar Runner is my favorite American hero.
80. Everyone grows up hoping they will contribute something to society. What's stopping you?
81. Shouldn't there be a "Little Bang" theory?
82. Beards are stylish, even crazy hippie ones. Jesus had a beard. ...I rest my case. Moustaches, on the other hand, are usually pretty sleazy.
83. I truly believe I am a better poet than Emily Dickinson. So are you. People just feel sorry for her because she was cold and lonely, she wrote bad poetry, and she died. Boo-hoo.
84. Eating turkey naturally makes people sleepy. This is because it contains an amino acid called tryptophan. Tryptophan helps the body produce the B-vitamin niacin, which, in turn, helps the body produce serotonin, a chemical that acts as a calming agent in the brain and plays a role in sleep.
85. Fear is not necessarily a negative thing. If no one was afraid of anything, nobody would take any risks. If no one took risks, we wouldn't be able to improve.
86. Seafood smells worse than it tastes. Coffee smells better than it tastes.
87. Love isn't really blind, but most lovers are.
88. People are often sad when a fish dies in a fishbowl, yet they never hesitate to eat one.
89. The very best ideas are often completely spontaneous.
90. Dreams make me excited to fall asleep every night.
91. People who go to tanning beds are ridiculously lame. Being a little tan is all right, but what's so attractive about having skin like a beat up, old leather glove? I'd rather prefer being pale as a ghost, thank you.
92. By keeping cool and witty, you can probably live longer. Unless everyone rebels and assassinates you. That basically sucks.
93. If suburbia keeps increasing at this rate, and we continue to destroy our beautiful environment, there will soon be nothing left. How can we demolish something that took millions of years to create and put something that takes a few months to build in its place?
94. Spend time with your family; you won't regret it. They won't be here forever.
95. The people inside a house are what make it a home.
96. You usually catch more fish when you aren't really trying.
97. Life should have intermissions so I can get up and use the restroom without missing any of the show.
98. Don't spit into the wind; it doesn't quite taste as good the second time around.
99. Spend an entire day only writing with the hand you don't actually write with. Your brain will actually notice the difference, and it will thank you for it.
100. "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." --Dr. Seuss
101. Instead of constantly telling someone that you love them, try actually showing them love for a change. It really is a lot more believable that way.
102. Be as honest as you can, no matter how much it hurts. If you're dishonest, it'll hurt more later anyway.
103. Small talk is lamer than FDR's legs. A little is alright, but if you really can't think of anything meaningful to say, you should be reading more books.
104. Nibble the earlobe.
105. It's all right to have a good side and a bad side, as long as they don't both eat with you at the dinner table.
106. Tickling will always be more fun for the person doing it than for the person being tickled.
107. People always hear their own voice differently than everyone else hears it.
108. Simpler is usually better.
109. Whenever you think, "It can't get any worse than this," it gets worse.
110. Kiss someone.
